she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize