I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
