I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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