Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
