i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
