im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
