she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
