btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
