is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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