i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
