Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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