I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
