It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize