I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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