he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
