im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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