I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
