good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize