You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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