Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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