the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
