just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
