so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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