I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
