She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
