If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
