i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
