I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
