I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
