It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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