Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
