Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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