so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
