My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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