You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
