Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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