i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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