At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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