Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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