jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You ruined the universe
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
