I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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