I want to make a zoo with you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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