My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
