You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
