are you still at the devil's house?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
