I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
