Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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