i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
