After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
