My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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