i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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