Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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