We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
