I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
