I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
