oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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