Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
