She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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