I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
