I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dick very happy bro
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
