Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
