I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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