Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
NoShamevember. You game?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
