What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
