we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
