Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
