you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
