dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
